Never question a Drunk!

[rogruth]

Looks like a clown to me.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Looks like a clown to me.

Still?

[rogruth]

Well,a really scary one.

I probably should agree with you before you send one to visit me.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

How do you make a baby seal float?
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2 scoops of vanilla ice cream; 2 scoops of baby seal,

[E7]

2 scoops of vanilla ice cream; 2 scoops of baby seal,

Sealtest ice cream (groan) I suppose.

Rich

[Rufus T. Firefly]

2 scoops of vanilla ice cream; 2 scoops of baby seal,

Sealtest ice cream (groan) I suppose.

Rich

With a little dab of raspberry cherry syrup on top!

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

And last, but not least:

12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:

Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.

[rogruth]

Rufus,

All true IMHO.I have had only one wife but several dogs so I do have some experience in this subject.

[britbloke]

Dogs are the good guys of the animal kingdom. I was brought up by a dog, well, according to my mother she used to leave me on the lawn in summer on my blanket with Dad's boxer dog Sandy to guard me and whenever I crawled off the blanket, Sandy would put me back on it. So that probably explains why I've always been fond of dogs, it was imprinted on my baby subconscious. This probably explains why my grandson isn't automatically drawn to them but scared of them to my great surprise. Mind you great big smelly monsters with teeth must be a bit daunting but the local dogs have never even growled at him and they're as soft as butter, i finally got him to play with one a few days ago and it was wonderful to watch the dog, a young collie labrador mix, treat him with great care despite his screaming, poking and generally odd mixture of bullying and sheer terror! The dog kept bringing back his ball to him for throwing and tug of war and took great care not to hurt him, shes a lot rougher with me! Okay theres a few bad 'uns but by and large I've found dogs to make great companions. Never trust someone your dog doesnt like.

[MurphOnMillerAve]

... Never trust someone your dog doesnt like.

I heard a bell ring, just then - the ring of truth. I'm going to remember that as sage advice. Excellent.
Murph

[Mitch]

Murph, didja get my PM?

[MurphOnMillerAve]

Murph, didja get my PM?

Yes I did,Mitch. I'll answer you there.
Murph

[Berk765]

Dogs are the good guys of the animal kingdom. I was brought up by a dog, well, according to my mother she used to leave me on the lawn in summer on my blanket with Dad's boxer dog Sandy to guard me and whenever I crawled off the blanket, Sandy would put me back on it. So that probably explains why I've always been fond of dogs, it was imprinted on my baby subconscious. This probably explains why my grandson isn't automatically drawn to them but scared of them to my great surprise. Mind you great big smelly monsters with teeth must be a bit daunting but the local dogs have never even growled at him and they're as soft as butter, i finally got him to play with one a few days ago and it was wonderful to watch the dog, a young collie labrador mix, treat him with great care despite his screaming, poking and generally odd mixture of bullying and sheer terror! The dog kept bringing back his ball to him for throwing and tug of war and took great care not to hurt him, shes a lot rougher with me! Okay theres a few bad 'uns but by and large I've found dogs to make great companions. Never trust someone your dog doesnt like.

I've also grown up with dogs. At my mother's house, she has this one female dog, named Annie, a great Parenese. I guess thats how you spell it. My mom raised her from a few weeks old until full grown. When any stranger is at the house close to me or anyone else Annie will get between the stranger and me or anyone else she knows. She doesn't bark if a stranger is close to me but she seems ready to protect when a stranger is around.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

A father asked his ten year old if he knew about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know,” the child cried as he burst into tears. “Promise you won’t tell me!”

Confused, the Father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, “When I was six, I got the ‘There’s no Easter Bunny’ speech.

At seven, I got the ‘There’s no Tooth Fairy’ speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the ‘There’s no Santa Claus’ speech.

If you’re going to tell me that grown-ups don’t really get laid, I’ll have nothing to live for!”

[E7]

A husband and wife are preparing for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a long, hard look at herself.

"You know dear," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is wrinkled, my
boobs are almost down to my waist, my rear end could stop a freight train. My arms are flabby
and my legs are fat. Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He studies her intently for a moment pondering what to say and then, in a soft, thoughtful voice:

"Well...there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Services for the husband will be held Tuesday, 11 a.m. at St. Mark's Episcopal Church.
No flowers please.

Rich